I never imagined an additional chapter to my memoirs, based on my experiences and admissions to hospital. I thought going back again would be the biggest failure. It is kind of. But it’s the safest I’ve felt for a week. They are worried that I will run away, and I would, but I don’t have the energy.
I tried to leave last night from A&E because it was such a boring
wait and I just wanted to go and get pissed and maybe score some good drugs. I ordered a taxi and as I opened the door to get in a nurse and a security guard came to stop me. I was quite miffed cause they are not the boss of me and I was calm and not behaving weird. But the nurse had read a letter that was at my house and was concerned. In the end the taxi drove off
and I called the security guard a prick (cause I hurt my leg by sticking it in the taxi door and he tried to push the door shut, idiot).
So I walked off, tried to hitch a ride out of the hospital. Luckily a bus was pulling in so a ran a bit and got on it. Got my ticket along with several others and took my seat. Thank god I thought, no more hospital. I was also willing the driver to go! The security prick had called the police. There was a who-ha happening at the doorway to the bus and the passengers where getting the hump, including me. Then two officers came on the bus and called the girl behind me my name. I stayed quiet. Then the security prick shouted “not her, the one on front of her”. So I smiled politely at the police and said can I help you, is there a problem? There and then in front of the whole bus they launched into a big shpeal. I kept calm and told them people were behaving over the top, that I came voluntarily and that now I was leaving. Always in smart arse mode.
One of them left the bus, talked on the radio, came back in and mentioned “136” to the other one. She then asked me one last time to get off the bus with them or they would drag me off and I got up, smoothing myself down and said “what a ridiculous palavar”. Really I was so pissed off because I knew I was about to be put on a section 136 which means the police can detain me under the mental health act until I am assessed by a panel who can then put me on a section 2. Mostly my fear was not being able to leave to buy ciggies, so I went freely.
On the way back into the hospital the female officer tried to lighten the mood, she said have a ciggie before you go in and then she said “bloody hell, didn’t that remind you of a scene out of Speed 2?” I smoked my ciggie and agreed with her to shut her up but she kept on talking. I don’t know why or how she got onto it but she told me her mother died when she was 14 and that today was the anniversary. I wanted to say something kind but I didn’t have any words and so I think I just said oh.
The police said if I was ok to leave they would take me to where I was going, when I said it was a pub they slightly backed out of that promise.
This was the second team of police I had seen in the same day. The first set were at my house a few hours before,.snooping round my back door with my neighbour asking if I had taken anything. I said no I hadn’t, which was true.and that I was sleeping, which was also true. I opened the door to my neighbour but it was a trick to let the police in. I just went back to bed and put the duvet over my head. I think that’s when they snooped and found the letter I had written. Anyway they called the ambulance and all four of them, 2 coppers and 2 greenies tried to convince me to go to A&E. So that’s how I got there and tried to leave.
Once I was back on there I saw a consultand straight away and he is possibly one of the nicest doctors I have ever met. Somehow he managed to unlock my brain in minutes and had me spilling everything like chunk from the goonies. Then he said he didn’t want me to go home and wanted me to stay here and be safe for a few days. So an hour or so later a nurse from the nut house came to get me, she knew me and was very kind. I’ve.been here 24 hours and they have all been very kind. The word blip is starting to do my head in a bit but I.feel safe.
I can’t go into anymore because I have to save that for the psychiatrist. I’ve got a feeling it might not just be a weekend break, it might be more like a week but it is ok. I still think the security guard was a prick cause I woke up with a bruise on my leg. I’m sad for that police woman’s mum dying as well.
Good night from hospital, the safest place on earth x